Dream Jobs

So…it seems like I’ve fallen behind again on the blog. It happens. This semester has been pretty tough, and maybe I’ll get into what I mean by that at a later date, but I’ve been thinking of other things lately as well.

Over the last few months I’ve had quite a few companies and headhunters contact me about various web analytics jobs around the country. Despite a crap economy, web analytics remains a hot job. In fact, in poor economic times this stuff probably becomes even more important to make sure you are actually do the right things with your web business/marketing. I’ve turned many of these down for common reasons like location or pay but it also got me thinking what kinds of jobs would I jump at? I’ve had no real plan to how I’ve gotten to where I’m at, wherever that may be, but the interest in me of late has got me thinking a bit more what is I want to do career-wise. A colleague thought a great blog post would be what would my dream jobs be. So without further adieu, my top 10 dream jobs…

1) Working at mlb.com in basically any capacity. Churbuck would say he’d want to be webmaster of redsox.com, but why limit yourself to a team? I say get the whole thing. I am a baseball freak so saying I am even remotely related to the Majors would fulfill a lifelong dream. MLB.com is a fantastic site with bleeding edge video capabilities and I think it would interesting to work there especially in web analytics and web marketing. Wonder if I could do that from Raleigh.

2) Working in the front office of one of the doormats of Major League Baseball in somewhat of a Bill James-esque fashion. Why do the Pittsburgh Pirates, Kansas City Royals, and Washington Nationals always finish in the cellar? Bad management and not developing their farm system. I’d love to work in the general manager’s office involved with personnel decisions, like drafting players, should we sign this free agent, etc. Tons of data analysis and using my years of accumulating useless baseball knowledge would be an amazing career. Again, I could brag that I’m in the Majors.

3) Google’s  Web Analytics Evangelist, Jr. – I’ve told him this before, but Avinash Kaushik has one of the coolest jobs in the world. I’d like to be the junior version of that. Of course the travel would probably kill me (recall the Japan trip?), not sure how he does that part of it, but its got to be fun teaching the virtues of actually measuring stuff to improve your web presence. Like bringing electricity to cave men.

4) Professor in Web Marketing at Appalachian State – I’ve always sort of thought about eventually getting a PhD and kicking it in the mountains of NC at my alma mater. Going to school any further would kind of suck, but I still think the job would rock. Get the summers off to travel or whatever. I think I could handle that.

5) Something in green energy. I firmly believe this will be like the Internet was, but probably bigger. One of the projects I am working on with my team at NC State is to create an electric car battery and bring it to market, so I’ve been immersed in this stuff over the last 2 months. This market is ready to explode as gas prices and climate change come to a head. I want to be a part of it to cash and be the Bill Gates of Green Energy.

6) Product Development for Analytics Software company like Omniture or Google Analytics. I love thinking about the kinds of problems marketers have in the web analytics arena, actually solving them for people by making improvements to the tools would be even better.

7) Brewmaster for Rogue. Best beer on planet. They could pay me in Double Dead Guy beer, or at least put it in my pension. Plus, I am fairly certain no one would care if I came to work with a big beard and wearing flannel everyday. What does this job have to do with web analytics or marketing? Absolutely nothing.

8) Salary cap space-filler/player in the NBA. You know there are guys on the roster of NBA teams that are solely there to give teams cap flexibility? Like I think Keith Van Horn makes like $4M a year just so he can be traded to make sure the salary cap isn’t exceeded in trades. Like salary cap buffer. I can be that guy. And I’ll do it for half that. And I’ll keep your stats while sitting on the bench. At halftime I can hand over regression analysis to the coach that says there is a negative correlation with points everytime the shooting guard touches the ball.

9) Video Game tester. I mean how awesome would that be? “Honey, how was your day at work?” “Well, I got stuck on that board with the ogres again, just couldn’t get past them. It was a rough day”. Also, working on the assumption I would wear sweatpants to work and drink beer at lunch without HR getting involved.

10) The Sports Guy’s intern. Those that don’t read Bill Simmons on ESPN’s page 2 probably have no idea what i am talking about. But I would get mad street cred within my crew which would be worth the pay cut.

If you guys out there have other suggestions, feel free to add…

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2 responses to “Dream Jobs

  1. thank you for omitting my unprintable suggestion.
    Great list

  2. When are you coming back to the web?

    I have initiated an idea to create a sports blogroll where bloggers from all sports disciplines could participate. All you need to do is to add my blog link to your blog and I’ll do the same. That way, we could have a mutual partnership and we could refer visitors to each other’s blog. Please let me know if you would be interested: basketballcolumnist@gmail.com. Thanks!

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